Blurry Lights
A Reflection On Grief, Grace, and God's Kindly Light During Christmas
Author’s Note: This essay was buried and forgotten on my previous blog, until I read my friend, Dr. Glenn Sunshine’s post on his Substack (link below). I highly recommend reading it. I’m thankful to him for his post as now my essay has been resurrected!
[This essay was originally posted on December 14, 2016]
I have been keeping a journal for nearly ten years, and every year at the end of December, I have a tradition of reading through the previous year’s entries. Sometimes, I get lost in the pages of my own writings and I am swept back in time.
On the early morning of February 5, 2016, I journaled a prayer for my dad’s ‘routine’ gall bladder surgery later that morning. He had been experiencing a great deal of pain.
My prayer: “Lord, I pray that you would use this trial in his life to draw him closer to you … bring him out of this a changed man.”
That morning, I was reading Psalm 36 as my devotional. The theme of this Psalm is God’s steadfast love and faithfulness.
“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.” (Psalm 36:7-9)
There is a huge difference between knowing the meaning of a passage in your head and understanding it in your heart.
Shortly before noon on February 5th, the surgeon walked into the waiting room with a file folder in his hand. He seemed to be a bit young to be a surgeon of his caliber. But, I brushed that aside remembering that I’m older than I think. The doctor sat down next to my step-mom and began to speak.
The surgery was a success and dad’s gall bladder was removed. Then, the surgeon opened the file folder. Inside it were hi-res images of my dad’s liver and pancreas. Then the words came, “Jim has cancer.” I entered the crucible with my family.
58 days later on Saturday, April 2 at 9:33 p.m., after indescribable suffering, my father succumbed to pancreatic cancer. Poppa was surrounded by his family when he drew his last breath of Texas air and woke up in eternity a changed man. The words of the old hymn “Finally Home” washed over me and gave me comfort.
“But just think of stepping on shore – And finding it Heaven! Of touching a hand – And finding it God’s! Of breathing new air – And finding it celestial! Of waking up in glory – And finding it home!”
A couple days ago, I woke up early in the morning as is my habit. I turned on the lights on our Christmas tree in the dark room where it sits in a corner, lovingly decorated by our children. On this particular morning, the lights were blurry. A wave of grief ushered in my quiet time with God as tears had blurred my sight. I did not know the tears were there until I turned on the Christmas lights.
“In your light do we see light.”
I now understood the meaning of the passage in my heart.
This holiday season, there may be an empty chair at your dinner table. You may wake up early on Christmas morning to say ‘Merry Christmas’ to the one you love only to find them gone. There will be a void in life. There will be an embrace and a voice missing from the greetings and conversations. That distinct familiar laugh from the other room.
There will be blurry lights in this life.
Therefore, take heart! It’s okay to grieve. To grieve is at the core of what it means to be human. Grief tells you that you have loved and been loved. It reminds you that you must truly live. Grief should point us to God as our help and comfort in this broken world. We can draw near to Him and to each other.
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)
In the light of God’s love, there is sufficient grace for me and you. In the midst of the storm and fog, there is a kindly light and peace to be experienced.
“The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings… in your light do we see light.”
Those who grieve can help the grieving. When the lights are blurry, remember many others are experiencing the same thing. Do not allow the ministry of grief to be wasted. We who grieve have the privilege to come alongside those who are grieving. We do well to acknowledge and validate the pain yet lift each other up in love. God’s kindly light shines through the fog of pain and grief. The warmth of that light is felt in a loving touch, a nod of the head, or a kind word of encouragement.
I’ll leave you with my closing words from dad’s memorial service. I pray it will minister to you if you are grieving and encourage you to be sensitive if you are not.
Nineteenth-century Pastor F.W. Boreham captures the pain of loss and the need of Christians to help those who are grieving:
“It is part of the pathos of mortality that we only discover how dearly we love things after we have lost them. ‘Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.’ It is the law of the cross; it is a sacrificial law. Christ gives rest to the heart by giving burdens to the shoulders. And, as a matter of fact, it is in being burdened that we usually find rest… Heavy luggage is a cure for weary hearts. So, we must bear each other’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
– F.W. Boreham
Lord, “In your light do we see light….” Even if the lights are blurry. Amen.
Have you turned to Christ?
The way of Salvation in Jesus Christ.
Repent and turn away from sinful self; by faith, trust in Christ and his finished work on the cross for you. Experience His mercy, love, and forgiveness. His grace will comfort you and sustain you until you meet Him on the last day. He will wipe away every tear. In His light is eternal life. Know the power of the resurrected Savior and King this Christmas!
Thank you for reading and Merry Christmas
Lance Cashion
Ft. Worth, TXLay-Elder & Pastor - King’s Cross Fellowship Founder & CEO - Forge Room Foundation
P.S. Watch my discussion with Dr. Glenn Sunshine on “Recovering the Beauty of Christmas.”
If you enjoy this blog, please check out my Revolution of Man Substack where I write on culture, worldview, and current issues of our time here…
Forge Room Foundation is Forging Christians to think biblically, live boldly, and shape culture. Learn more and support our work at www.forgeroom.org Forge Room Foundation is a Registered 501(c)3 Nonprofit